i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
