I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
