Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
