So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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