the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
