I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it was like his penis was on wheels.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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