babies were throwing up all over the place
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
