I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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