apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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