In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's blow job season.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
