She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
