Yo dont text me then not text me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He passed out mid-signature
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
