you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
