Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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