Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
