Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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