All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
