Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
