He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
