Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
