I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
