your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
