D3 body, D1 cock
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
