shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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