The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
