And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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