we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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