We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
