So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
