any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
