my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
