don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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