Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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