so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
