A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
