Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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