One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
