I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You've changed since you got that strap on
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
