You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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