A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
