oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
