I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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