Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
