Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
false alarm, still single
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