there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
