Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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