Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
