I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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