ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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