I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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