you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He uses pillows to masturbate.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
