Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
