there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
