Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
